he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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