I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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