If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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