Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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