It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
