apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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