Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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