ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
