to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
