I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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