I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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