Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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