I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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