I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
