I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
