I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
