He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
