she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
