I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
