I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize