batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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