Apparently you make a good broom.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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