It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
