People in love make me want to vomit
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
