somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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