she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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