Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
