Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the night ended with taco bell and tears
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
