so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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