just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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