I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
