I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
