dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
