My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
