Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
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You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
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He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
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