Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
