fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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