Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
the liver wants what the liver wants
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
