turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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