I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
