You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my shit smells like andre
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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