; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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