My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
