he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
