need another drink. this is the easiest way
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
