I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
