hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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