she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Drunk is not a location!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize