Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they need to just BURY HIM!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize