I just cut my nipple shaving
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize