i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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