Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
