he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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