i jhust puked up my retainher.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
