Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
