I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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