Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You pole danced in your parka.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
