It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
