sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
