im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
