also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the day after is always just damage control
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
