Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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