I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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