I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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