***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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