I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
