Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
