I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
birth control should be required to get into college
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
